pobres inglesitos

Carta de un jefe de negociado a sus trabajadores hispanos: ************************************ ATT: Spanish Speaking Staff FROM: GENERAL MANAGER TO: ALL SPANISH SPEAKING STAFF SUBJECT: IMPROPER LANGUAGE USAGE It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our establishment, that offensive language is commonly used by our Spanish speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff. All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like "carajo", "la puta madre que te pario" or " me da por el quinto forro de las pelotas" and other expressions will not be used or emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion is.
2. You will not say "la cago" when someone makes a mistake, or "la esta cagando" if you see somebody being reprimanded, or "que cagada" when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb "cagar" are inappropriate in our environment.
3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances, will be referred to as "hijo de mil putas", "guanaco", "mal parido", "es una mierda" or "es una verga".
4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as "falta de huevos", nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "cagon de mierda", "pelotudo", "maricon" or "boludo".
5. Unusual or creative prime's and subco's ideas are not to be referred to as "pajas mentales", "boludencias" or "forradas".
6. Do not say "como hincha las pelotas" if a person is persistent, o "se cago en la mierda" if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "cagamos" (please refer to item #2) when matter become complicated.
7. When asking someone to leave alone, you must not say "andate a la mierda", nor should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with "Que mierda queres".
8. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly industrial partners as "viejos pendejos".
9. Last but not least, after reading this note please don't say "me voy a limpiar el culo con ella". Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

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